Thursday, May 16, 2013

I'm hesitating now but make up my mind by the end.

                                                 My (Attempt at) Media & Technology Fast 

     Today marks the first day of a 7 day withdrawal from modern media & technology. Well, late this afternoon does-( that's why I am writing this now.) Our group is working through The 7 Experiment by Jen Hatmaker, and it is a fascinating run. Lots of different perspectives on how to 'fast' various mediums such as the classic FOOD, but also clothing, stress, waste and much more.

    But, this day, I have to resolve to do it. And do it honestly. Because no one is here looking over my shoulder to hold me accountable. And that, my friends, is a little scary. A little too much freedom. Now I can only be responsible for me. Ugh........................I could cheat in so many ways. I know this because I have already thought of a thousand... And one.

    Jen stresses personal relationships throughout (and hopefully for long after) this fast. Relate with the family. Neighbors. Strangers. Mailman. You get it. The reason is not for me to gain more friendships or glory or a winner's ribbon, but to be the church and love others. To be missional. Maybe even live dangerously. 

    I WANT to do this. But I WANT this to be horribly difficult just so my pride can feel justified, like the 'struggle' was worth it. (That's ugly, I know. Get over it. I'm human.)

   As if it's really such a big stupid deal. With all I've learned & gained through the fasts so far, why am I nervous over this at all? How selfish am I really? I grew up without all this junk, for heaven's sake. I. Am. Such. A. Baby.

      I pray that this WILL mean something. That I will be seeking my Lord & King like never before during this week. That I will feel weak so He will be my hero again. I pray I have the guts to share Christ if the Holy Spirit allows. That my kids will see Jesus in me. That I will see Him in them. That, through this study, I will become the woman I think I am, not the hypocrite I tend to be. I want others to see Christ, which really means I am to be small and unnoticeable and forgotten, but He is not. I want another woman who is just 'normal' to be saved. It doesn't have to be some big dramatic thing or some horrid sinful creature that accepts, but rather an ordinary woman living an ordinary life who learns of the extraordinary God who loves her. That's cool.

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